בס''ד

Counseling

     In order to heal or teach a person, you have to be able to counsel them.  Counseling is very largely listening.  That means listening to what is said and "listening" to what is felt by the client; which means being open to him or her.

     I believe in being "process-oriented" rather than trying to "fix" someone from a "product" mentality.  What this means is: Healing is a process and a person (especially a vulnerable person) needs validation at every stage of it.  What ever stage they are at, their judgement and perceptions have meaning; and it's my job to relate to this meaning.  An essential part of healing is that a person must be allowed to love and accept themselves unconditionally.  The biggest block to healing is when a person is made to feel that they have to be "fixed" and that the counselor or therapist "knows better".  People function on levels that are amenable and accessible for them at any given time.  My clients are in the process of developing their own tools; which have far more potential usefulness for them than anything I could try to impose on them.  Therefore, I am not there to judge them or to "fix" them.  This would not only be smothering them, it would actually be a form of violence.

     I perceive it as my job to continually remind the client of their strengths and to help them to focus on what is beneficial for them at any particular time.  The client is the one who needs to connect with their own inner material and they can only do this properly if I respect their integrity.  Especially in painful circumstances, a person needs to be (made) aware that there is a "window".  The window is them (the client); the true person with all their capacity, not the problem they're experiencing at the moment.  The more they are allowed to become aware of this, the more they can "let in the light".

     Another thing I focus on is that we learn from our life experiences.  Sometimes these experiences are painful, but learning must never be replaced with self-blame.  While accepting and honouring the person as they are; we are simultaneously focusing on their growth and on their moving forward.  Anything that enhances their self-image is conducive to this.  Anything that undermines it is not conducive to growth and must be passed by.  When, through experience, a person learns something that is relevant to their long term goals, their self image can be enhanced.  For this to happen, it is often necessary to let go of the constricted consciousness that brings about self blame.