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1. How to get out of prison

Have you ever felt as if you needed to get somewhere urgently, but you were bound and gagged with your hands tied behind your back and you were being taken, against your will, in the opposite direction?

You might go round and round in circles, blaming yourself or somebody else; getting more and more agitated; feeling abandoned, helpless and doomed. Not a nice feeling.

Here are three techniques to help you to free yourself from that cognitive prison that we all have experience of. They help you to let your spirit penetrate the dense matter of your 3D experience. They are ways to help you make your life flow in the way you need it to.

The first technique is: Write to G-d. Tell Him how you feel and ask for His help and guidance. As you write to Him you'll be peeling off layers of repression of your feelings and needs. Simultaneously, you'll free yourself from the guilt and self blame that always accompany repression. You'll reach a higher level of self awareness as your thinking processes are stimulated, because they are being validated from a higher place. As this happens you'll find yourself writing things that support you and answer some of your questions (or screams for help).

The second technique also involves writing. This time you're writing to yourself and you're writing yourself urgent notes like newsflashes. You know the feeling "I have to see it in writing"? When it's "in writing" it conveys authority and gets in on a subliminal level. So write yourself all the things you want and need to see "in writing".

For example, let's say you're worried about your ability to pull something off; get through to somebody; or succeed in a certain situation; or maybe you're eating yourself up with anxiety about your child or someone else you know; and even though you know on some level that the anxiety is bad for the cause, you just can't seem to shake it off.

So you write something like: "(your name)! This is something you need to know urgently and immediately! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING! (what ever you're worried about) is going BETTER than you could POSSIBLY have IMAGINED! I'm SO proud of you (your name)! Everyone likes you and co-operates with you. You know exactly what to do and say. I knew you could pull this off! (the child or other person you were so anxious about) is doing excellently! All the solutions are so incredibly clear to you and you know exactly what path to follow. Well done (your name)! I'm so happy for you (your name)!"

It's imperative that you write only positive things for this exercise. Lay it on thick like an advertisement and use your name several times as this helps the message to get in more deeply. Remember to read what you've written, this is very important.

The third technique is: Dance. Try to dance regularly for at least 20 minutes every time. Once a week is great. Every day is even better. Dance to music you love and want to identify with. Dancing is good for your bones and your general physical health. It causes a release of endorphin which creates a feeling of well being. When you dance to music you really like, you stop putting energy into what you dislike and you celebrate life. This causes life to celebrate you!

2."Choose Life"

"I have put life and death before you, that you may choose life".

Before a person was born, they were in such a nice place (Gan Eden) that when they had to come down to this physical world it was very disappointing. Therefore a person might feel that they don't really want to live. They acknowledge their existence; but deep down they're constantly craving the place they left behind and wishing they were back there.

There's a parallel to this in the Jews leaving Egypt. Egypt, with all its pain and slavery, was nonetheless like a womb. The Jews suffered but they didn't have to take responsibility for themselves. They could just be victims without taking full responsibility for their actions.

All times and types of persecution are similar to being in Egypt. When you're a victim you're not fully responsible for your actions. You're also not fully alive.

Sometimes a person going through hardship can confuse G-d with Pharoah: "G-d obviously wants me to suffer". Their religion becomes an unpleasant slavery. This is a having a victim mentality.

Being a victim can manifest itself subtly as well as blatantly. You can be a "victim" of your conditioning; of the abuse you suffered in the past; of your lack of tools; of your victim mentality; of your self blame or of your craving to blame others A person in this position might also feel that G-d is their slave owner, while they "wait" passively for salvation.

That's not what He means by "choose life".

When you choose life, you leave the familiar. You embark on an adventure into the unknown. On some level you let go of being a slave and you take responsibility for your survival. You live up to the role assigned you as co-creator.

Being co-creator means you have faith. Instead of saying "G-d wants me to suffer" you let go of a passive picture of yourself as having to be the recipient of suffering; and you become active in co-creating your reality which includes co-creating your thoughts. If you admit that you're important and deserving of happiness; you'll realise that G-d has "admitted it" too.

Acknowledge your pain, because that is what allows it to heal and that is what also increases your sensitivity to others. At the same time; grab hold of your identity as something totally independent and transcendent of being a victim. Don't be a victim, because victims get blamed. Allow yourself to do what you want and need to do. Don't say "you can't" because of your spouse or your children. Don't make them your slave owners. Don't say "you can't" because of your religion. That's the meanest kind of idol worship.

So what do you do about your pain and the suffering you're trying to leave behind? What do you do about all the people in this world who made you suffer - maybe even to a criminal extent? What do you do when you're trying to be fair to yourself? You know that repressing your pain isn't a good strategy. You don't want to be wrapped up in bitterness but you feel you deserve compensation. You don't like the word "forgive" because it reeks of "turning the other cheek" and being desensitized to the seriousness of the issue.

Don't "turn the other cheek". Recognise the seriousness of the issue. At the same time, remember that you're a mirror which is reflecting external reality. What you focus on will be relfected. Don't get overwhelmed by the reflection that you have at the moment. It shouldn't take the place of your integrity and identity. A human being is greater than anything they suffer. Don't drown in pain or bitterness because the reflection you have at the moment isn't the whole reality. You can defy your persecutors by being happy. The most important thing is that in low moments you do chesed with yourself: Like a child that's been hurt, you need to be believed in and told that the pain is only temporary.

On Yom Hatzmaut, many people say "Hallel". We're celebrating the fact that we are in our own land. This doesn't mean we're pretending there are no more problems. To celebrate the good, goes hand in hand with recognizing the need to turn more evil into good. Celebrating is Making Holy. Making Holy is Elevating; and incorporating into the cosmos. It makes something valid and G-dly in a deep way. Celebrating a good thing is a subscription to good.

If (like some people) you feel that last time round, you were one of those who died in the holocaust; make sure that in this life you laugh at Hitler by celebrating and having a good time, and being happy that you're alive.

If someone comes along and invites you to be a victim again, make sure you're too busy laughing at them to be able to co-operate. Lose the opportunity to get entangled with them.

"Choosing life" means: being at peace with yourself. It means making sure you don't have time to "go back and settle your affairs" in Egypt. That doesn't mean: Don't take action to solve your problems. Ofcourse, take action to solve your problems but don't "climb into" them. It becomes much easier to solve your problems when you let go of mental and emotional slavery because problems can't be solved from a place of victim mentality. Aswell as taking action to solve your problems, remember to take action to achieve your goals and to celebrate the things that are genuinely good. Then you'll be choosing life.

"I have put life and death before you, that you may choose life".

3. The Right to Choose

I work in a rehabilitation hostel where many of the residents have a chromosomal disorder that makes them prone to certain kinds of obsessive behavior. Even though only a small proportion of the population actually have this syndrome; it has often been the case that when I work with these residents I realize that the issues we are dealing with can affect people without the syndrome as well. Therefore, I am writing this because the techniques that I use for these people can sometimes be applied to you and me; and to other people we know.

     Yesterday I was working with a young woman in her early twenties. She was feeling very bad because she had lost herself in a spiral of self-defeating behavior and its consequences. The most recent incident had begun because she had not felt very good about herself; and neither had she dealt with her feelings properly. Instead, she had allowed herself to indulge in a certain kind of obsessive behavior which affected her adversely. As a result, she felt even worse. This triggered her to engage in another kind of obsessive behavior which totally disgusts people and also disgusted her, even while she was engaged in it. The consequence of that was that people were repulsed by her and she felt much worse than she had in the beginning.

     As I spoke to her my attention was drawn to something that applies to all of us: When we feel a bit low or depressed, we can find ourselves doing things that are not in our interests. We usually know objectively that something is not the best thing to do, but when we're down, we have a tendency to ignore that knowledge.

     The situation that people sometimes get into is that the self defeating behavior - which may be subtle - becomes a habit and feeds their negative self image. Now they have a "reason" to feel bad about themselves and they even start to identify themselves as "perpetrator" of the situation, forgetting that there is a way out.

     If G-d forbid, a person continues down a path that is destructive; not only do they feel worse, but they are in danger of disconnecting from their feelings and from their intellect. Once they do this, they also disconnect from their capacity to improve the situation.

     Yesterday when I worked with this young woman, my aim was to help her to overcome the following problems: feeling bad; feeling helpless to change the situation; feeling alienated from the knowledge that certain behavior would make it worse; feeling as if she - as a "criminal" had no right to choose what to identify with or what to do; and feeling unable to do things that would help her, rather than exacerbate the problem.

     I worked with her using EFT. If you want to learn about EFT, visit: http://www.emofree.com. EFT stands for emotional freedom technique. Its premise is that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system. The use of EFT involves tapping the acupuncture points to restore energy, while accessing an internal dialogue about the painful situation.

       We began with some affirmations, such as:

     "Even though I feel bad and disgusted with myself... I love and accept myself deeply and completely, as I am now."

     "Even though I blame myself and it's hard for me to live with myself, I totally love and honor myself for being me."

     As we worked and faced the horrible feelings of dread, disgust and being out of control; we came gradually to some positive concepts which many people are in need of, such as:

     "I'm allowed to help myself"
     "I can choose to love my life,"
     "I'm allowed to do things that are good for me,"
     "I'm allowed to make my life good,
     "I'm worth it,"

     We did a few rounds of EFT. The young woman started to re-frame herself and her self worth. In the process, she also taught me something very fundamental and important: we don't have to identify with what ever we did in weak moments. We can break out of negative cycles by choosing to have only good thoughts and deeds be a part of us. Especially at times when we feel low, it's important to remember our right to choose.

4. The healing value of meditation

Sometimes you can be under so much stress that it feels impossible to think or function in helpful and positive ways. This is because when someone is stressed, they are operating in what is called a "fight/flight" mode: Their body makes adrenalin. Their breathing becomes shorter, their heart beats more rapidly, their blood is sent to the back of the brain which deals with survival; and to the muscles in the arms and legs. Less blood is sent to the front of the brain which deals with higher thinking processes. This is a physiological response to a threat, which may be real or imagined. The brain and body focus on immediate survival at the expense of long term health.

Many modern "threats" are not actually threats to survival and are best handled by becoming more calm, not less. Despite this, people often react to modern "threats" by entering a fight/flight mode inappropriately. When it is not genuinely needed, the fight/flight state is disruptive for the body; for its metabolism and for its immune system. This state precludes higher thinking processes and effective communication. It is also harmful for relationships.

Meditation has healing value because it helps a person to leave the fight/flight mode and enter a rest/digest mode, wherein the body can continue to maintain its stability. The rest/digest mode is a calm state of being which is conducive to emotional and physical healing. It allows you to hear your inner voice and re-channel your energies to the parts of you that can be creative and think on a higher level. It also allows your body to access its own healing properties. When you are in meditation, your senses are lulled so that your subconscious mind can let go of some of its defenses and become receptive to new and positive ideas. Instead of closing up and generating fear, you will have become open to good suggestions. This will make you allow yourself to be healed and find solutions.

Here is a short meditation that you can practice now:

First, think of a statement which you would wish to be true. Some examples are: I am happy. I can do (x). I am relaxed and confident. I can achieve (y). I deserve to live. Remember your own statement.

Next, you are going to shut your eyes and mentally count from 1 to 10 and back down again to 1. After every number you will think the word "and". As you reach 10 you will think "9 and 10 and 9 and 8 and" and so on, back down to "1 and". Every time you think a number, you take a deep breath in. On every "and" you exhale. By the time you have reached the last "and" you will be very relaxed.

Then, keeping your eyes closed; think your statement slowly three times. Then, with your eyes open say the same statement out loud, slowly, three times. Now you will have eased your boundaries and allowed yourself a short respite!

5. Being "stuck in therapy"

The reason why someone goes into therapy is usually because they want to address certain issues with the intention of overcoming them, in order to live a happier life. Being "stuck in therapy" means having become a slave to the issues that you came to address. You continually address them, but are never free from them. A person in this situation may even feel that the therapy is perpetuating or exacerbating the problem; and sometimes they may not be far wrong.

As a healer and counselor I'd like to put forward the following three suggestions about this scenario:

Firstly: People are often given to understand that until they are "fixed" they are not allowed to accept themselves. They "have to" resolve issues x and y; and until then they have no reason to be happy, nor to think that they are "good enough". There is a cruel paradox in this, because until you feel able to accept yourself unconditionally, healing cannot take place at all. Healing has to begin from a position that you are good enough even with your unresolved problems. What frequently accompanies emotional problems is a feeling of guilt for having them. This causes a person to attack the problem and attack themselves in the process. To counteract this, the therapist must be complete with the understanding that the client and not their problem is of paramount importance. This should be given over to the client very clearly, and the client must be told "you're absolutely fine, just as you are".

Secondly, while it is helpful to have insight into a problem or its cause, this is often not enough. When a person comes into therapy they usually feel significant powerlessness on a subconscious level. When they focus on their problem from a position of powerlessness; rather than going away, the problem often threatens to gain validity and it presents itself as if it were "here to stay". Consequently, the client's feeling of powerlessness is exacerbated and they may begin to imagine that they are dependent on the therapist. Therefore any analysis of problems or negative behaviour patterns should be supplemented by the use of techniques which enhance the client's personal power and autonomy.

Thirdly, the goal of any client should be: not to need therapy. This does not mean that all the problems will have been solved, but that the former client now feels in a position to enjoy life and make the best of it. Once you have made the decision to be free from therapy, the most effective life "therapy" is to enjoy yourself. It can help a great deal to engage in activities that induce your body to release endorphin; such as sport, dancing, yoga and laughing. Natural endorphin promotes a sense of well being which will give you the strength to face all kinds of problems and overcome self doubts.